Favorite Things, Humor, Life

Birthday Week: Make it a Thing

Kari

First published May 1, 2017

Birthdays are important.

I’ve always felt this way, thanks in large part to my parents—especially my mom. She’d ask what kind of gifts I wanted, what dinner to make, and which cake flavor I was craving. It was never just another day.

I’m the same way with my kids. We start planning their birthdays weeks in advance because I want them to know their birth matters. That they matter.

But I didn’t always extend that same care to myself.

My first husband never really made my birthday special. It just wasn’t on his radar, though I quietly expected it to be. Looking back, I realize that wasn’t entirely fair—to either of us. Still, getting a Yankee candle for my 30th birthday, just six weeks after giving birth to our daughter, felt… underwhelming.

I made sure to divorce him before my next milestone birthday. ( I’m kidding )

When I remarried, I chose someone who does believe birthdays are a big deal—or at least someone who’s willing to try. He’s dropped the ball a few times, sure, but he has a penis and therefore processes birthdays like they’re semi-optional holidays. We’re working on it.

Men Holding Red Pink and Yellow Balloon Under Blue Sky during Daytime

I recently had a birthday breakthrough: no one can make the day as spectacular as the version I’ve built in my head. My husband and kids could never live up to the magical, sparkly celebration I imagined—because that vision was mine. Not theirs.

So, I stopped ruining my own birthday by pouting when someone else didn’t see me the way I wanted to be seen. I see me. And that’s enough.

I don’t need a parade of appreciation on my birthday to feel valued. Expectations look different for everyone. But for me? I’ve officially declared: I will not pout on my day.

I also don’t want to make my kids feel bad because their fully grown parent didn’t get the birthday treatment they had hoped for. That’s not their job. That’s not their weight to carry. Emotional maturity is key here.

So now, I spread out the celebration. I celebrate the week before, the week after, and of course, on the actual day. A good time doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated. It’s about small, intentional things that bring me joy.

There should be one week a year when you treat yourself better than usual. When you lavish yourself with love. When you do little things to woo your own damn self. Replace the holey underwear. Light the fancy candle. Order the fries. Whatever it takes.

Landscape Photo Of Green and Red Balloons

Need some inspiration? Here’s what I did during my birthday week:

  • Ordered something that had been sitting in my Amazon cart forever
  • Bought a new plant for my desk while grocery shopping (because multitasking joy counts)
  • Made an old favorite recipe just for me for lunch
  • Got a manicure and pedicure with my mom
  • Had lunch with a friend at a restaurant I’d always wanted to try
  • Visited friends we hadn’t seen in ages
  • Wrote every single day
  • Took my dog with me almost everywhere (it was his birthday week too!)
  • Watched The Real Housewives of New York City on Hulu every night
  • Skipped my youngest daughter’s soccer game because it was 40 degrees and chose Starbucks + Pinterest instead

I had zero remorse for any of it. In fact, it was the best birthday I’d had in years. And now? It’s tradition.

I hope you do something like this too—because we all deserve to feel celebrated. ❤️

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24 thoughts on “Birthday Week: Make it a Thing”

  1. I have a guy friend who celebrates all month . He calls it H.B.M. Every day he would post a picture of what he ate that day and or share an interesting story about himself on facebook.

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  2. You deserve a birthday YEAR just for how often you make me laugh. (And then I get off the hook for failing to wish you a happy birthday during your birthday week.) You keep being you. Please. And treat yourself more than once a year.

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  3. This is awesome! I love my hubby, but he never makes a big deal out of my birthday. I don’t want to divorce him over it though – he does have other good qualities that make up for it. ;-) I do treat myself extra special on my bday, but all week? Hmm, that might have to become a thing! Thanks for the inspiration.

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  6. Oddly enough I read a blog post this morning saying the exact opposite: birthdays are irrelevant so why bother with them. Like all topics anymore there are many opinions. 🙄 That being said I’ve enjoyed your birthday month.

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  7. You do know how to make your day/month special. I grew up with the opposite – very little focus birthdays. It was sort of an after thought. My brother’s bday Dec 27th, mine Dec 30th – people were pooped. Gifts were scarce. Not much celebration to be had. My favorite birthdays as an adult are the ones when Coach takes the day off and makes everyone BEHAVE. My guy is NOT a good gifter. I once got a potato peeler for Christmas. For years he would go to the Irish imports store and just buy something, cause I’m Irish. I finally put the kabosh on that because I really don’t need socks with the flag of Ireland on them (no joke). Nowadays he and I usually get dinner at my favorite restaurant. I might have to borrow some of your ideas and maybe avoid after-Christmas related chores. I have some time to plan it out.

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    1. Use my ideas all you want! I think part of the biggest problem is that we expected go big or go home for our birthday and if we don’t get that even the little things don’t matter. But the little things save me.

      I really think you need to do a week in January that is just yours. Instead of December. For real. Once the kids are done with break. It doesn’t have to be big, just little nice things for you. Like taping the morning news and watching it alone while eating cake. 😚

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  8. With a mid-December birthday, I don’t know that birthday week can ever be a thing for me. Maybe I should borrow yours? A birthday in the middle of spring sounds kinda wonderful.

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    1. Yes! I just told another friend to do that as well.

      Anna had a friend who has a December birthday and she always had her birthday parties in the summer and celebrated her half birthday. 🙌🏻

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  9. My sister in law (and her entire family!) joke that she has a whole birthday month!! I try to do nice things like that for myself year round– not all the time but just here and there because I am starting to realize that I am important and while my husband and kids love me dearly they are all guys and therefor just don’t think of doing those small little things very often. I’m quite lucky if they remember mother’s day, my birthday, or even Christmas gifts. They want to but often wait until the last minute and then complain about all that they wanted to buy me but couldn’t find.. they typically have great ideas too just no the foresight to plan ahead. I really do think it’s got to be a gender thing.. I hope you had a fabulous birthday week even if it was in the midst of a pandemic this year.

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  10. I remember my mom giving me a big birthday party when I was five, with all the neighborhood kids in our basement. That was the only big birthday party I had. Otherwise, we had a birthday cake and a present after dinner, but that was about it. Our family just didn’t make a big deal out of birthdays. Now as empty nesters, Brian and I spend our birthdays out on a day trip…birthday person’s choice of where to go and where to eat.

    This year, both at the end of July, Brian is going to be 60 and my mom 80! I am hoping to have a small family party here.

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  11. I should definitely have taken more time to process that this was a post reblogged (quarantine brain is so much slower). I was stunned by all of the things you did while socially distancing and then realized Anna did not have a prom this year

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  12. It’s weird to say but my birthday is the only day where I feel like it can all be about me. I pick everything we do, and I feel no guilt about it. I hate that it’s not like that all the time, but it’s just not how I’m wired. I love my birthday, and try to always eat lots of sweets, cupcakes if I can get to place that has them. I’m not sure what I want to do this year. The kids keep asking me but I don’t want to think too much about it. I don’t want to feel like I don’t have a choice for what we do, even though I’m sure we’ll still be in quarantine.

    I absolutely love what your husband did for you! I’m still on husband number one, so I’m not holding my breath for that kind of treatment, lol.

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