So the Universal things keep happening, but I also have poop sandwich weeks, just in case you think I am always happy and rainbows, which would be so irritating, wouldn’t it?
Someone who is happy all the time while the rest of the world is imploding? Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you since it would be impolite. But I had a bad week last week and felt compelled to tell you about it. Nothing huge, but just enough to add another giant turd in the sesspool of this year.
The good news is that I was able to discover something positive in every day, which did not push me over the edge and allowed me to persevere. Old Kari would have been devastated to my core. New Kari was happy to start another week, with no obvious mental wounds from the previous week.
So November 1st started off with a bang, as I awoke at 2:30 a.m. with a migraine. It was also Daylight Savings Time, if you recall. Long story short, the end of the month means I’m out of my “rescue” medication (sumatriptan injectable), which is refilled on the first of the month.
The good news is that my migraine intensity has significantly diminished since summer.
The bad news is that my migraine frequency has stayed consistent, if not increased.
I’m not reading too much into that right now. My doctor is handling it, and I am gladly giving it to him. Despite what I used to believe, I am not in charge of that problem. I used to lie awake for hours worrying about it, then realize, gee, I’m not getting paid six figures to figure this out. Then I’d get another migraine from getting no sleep from fretting about it.
But on this night, I woke up, took the last of my rescue medication, drifted back to sleep, and woke up at 7 a.m., which was actually 6 a.m., (fucking 2020 will never end), and vented to my husband.
I’ve been doing some spiritual homework lately, and I’ve realized that fear is my biggest obstacle in life. I just made this discovery on my own last week.
For as long as I can remember, fear has been my incentive. Fear has been my plus one, my shotgun, my maid of honor, and my BFF. As far as I can remember, it has been a part of every single decision I have ever made. It has complete control over my life, my every thought, and every moment, and it is highly toxic.
I need to ditch that “friend.”
However, that “friend” doesn’t seem to get the hint.
On November 1st, I saw a tweet from a woman who said that if you utter the words rabbit, rabbit, rabbit on the first of the month, it brings good luck into your month.
While I am not very superstitious, I am willing to try anything to make this year better. So I said it aloud to no one…
Soon after, I remembered reading an article the day before (also on Twitter) about new literary agents to seek if you had recently finished writing a book.
In the article I saw a picture of a bubbly blonde literary agent who is interested in non-fiction books, and I immediately liked her, but what really grabbed me was that she owns pet rabbits.
THREE of them.
This rabbit epiphany compelled me to contact her immediately, but first I needed to draft a query letter. I hadn’t written one yet, and I wasn’t motivated because my friend was still editing my book. So this kicked my butt in high gear and encouraged me to write a query letter.
On a day when I was recovering from a migraine.
But I was so excited! THIS IS A SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE! I was sure of it!
After I was finished, I went to email it to her.
When I clicked on the submission form, I noticed this note:
“Sorry, I am no longer accepting queries until December 2020.”
My past self might have been enraged. I might have sobbed right there in front of the computer. I’m sure I said a few choice words. I would have surely beaten my fists. I might have given up right there and said, “Why does this always happen to me??”
This time, however, I laughed.
CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?
“It’s just not meant to be,” I muttered to myself.
I’m in love with this alternative version of myself.
I am still apprehensive, and I know will take a long time for me to learn to trust more. To be less afraid of everything. But I had to share this with you all because you’ve been such an important part of this journey and I thought you would get a kick out of this.
This seemed more like a blog post than some of the other things I have been sharing, and considering the tension of this week, it seemed like a fun thing to share.
But guess what? I’ve written a query letter!