So the Universal things just keep occurring, but then I also have poop sandwich weeks, just in case you think I am always happiness and rainbows, because that would be so obnoxious, wouldn’t it?
Someone who is having happiness 24/7 while the rest of the world is imploding? Even if I had that, I wouldn’t tell you because that would seem insensitive. But I had a poopy week last week, and I felt compelled to share that with you. Nothing major, but just enough to just make it one giant turd in the sesspool of this year.
The good news is that I could find something positive in every day, it didn’t push me over the edge, and I was able to power through. Old Kari would have been devastated to my core, embarrassingly enough. New Kari was happy to begin another week with no evident mental wounds from the previous week, in stark contrast to my prior self.
So November 1st began with a bang, as I awoke at 2:30 a.m. with a migraine (you thought I was going somewhere else with that, didn’t you?). If you recall, it was also Daylight Savings Time. Long story short, the end of the month means I’m out of my “rescue” medication (sumatriptan injectable), which refills on the first of every month.
The good news- my migraine intensity has decreased dramatically since summer.
The bad news is that my migraine frequency has remained the same, or possibly increased. We’re not reading too much into that right now. My doctor is handling it, and I am gladly giving it to him. I am not in charge of that problem, despite the fact that I used to believe I was. I used to lie awake for hours worrying about it, and then I’d think, hmm, I am not getting paid six figures to figure this out, HE is. And then I would get another migraine because I had been up for hours worrying about it.
But on November 1st, I woke up in the middle of the night and took the last of my rescue medication, drifted back to sleep, and woke up at 7 a.m., which was actually 6 a.m., (fu**ing 2020 won’t ever end), and expressed my frustration to my husband.
The former me would have been a sobbing, heaving heap of WHY MEEE’s ruining my entire Sunday. But I’m not doing self-pity any longer, and it’s pretty liberating (more about that in my upcoming universe-ism lesson #2).
I’ve been doing some spiritual homework lately, and I’ve realized that fear is my biggest obstacle in life. I actually just made this discovery on my own last week.
For as long as I can remember, fear has been my motivator. Fear has been my plus one, my shotgun, my maid of honor, and my BFF since childhood. It has been a part of every single decision I have ever made as far as I can remember. It has complete power over my life, my every thought, my every moment, and it is extremely toxic.
I need to ditch that “friend”.
However, that “friend” doesn’t seem to get the hint.
Since discovering this about myself, I’ve been quietly withdrawing, trying to be polite, but now I need to be harsh, and you know how I despise confrontation. Or perhaps you don’t know. The point is that it’s not easy to break up with someone you’ve known for a long time. It can be frightening and unpredictable, and it is so much easier to be afraid than it is to have faith.
So I was on Twitter on November 1st and I saw in my feed a tweet, from a woman who is a recovered opioid addict, mind you, that if you say the words rabbit, rabbit, rabbit on the first of the month, it brings good luck into your month.
While I am not an opioid addict, as a migraine sufferer, I can identify with people who have experienced or are presently experiencing chronic pain and have had to utilize medication of some kind to dull that pain, whether emotional or physical.
Back to the chant. While I am not very superstitious, I am willing to try anything to make this year better. So I shouted it out loud to no one…
Soon after, I remembered an article I had read the day before (also on Twitter) about new literary agents to seek if you had recently finished writing a book.
Long story short, if you need someone to promote your book, you want a literary agent. It is much easier to publish your book this route. Furthermore, publishing houses will never look at your book without them. But I am not discouraged because I want this for myself; I am putting it out there that my book will be published by next year.
So then I browsed the article and saw a picture of a bubbly blonde literary agent who is interested in non-fiction books, and I liked her right away, but what really struck me was that she has pet rabbits.
THREE of them.
I am not making this up.
This rabbit realization prompted me to contact her IMMEDIATELY, but first I needed to write a query letter. I hadn’t written one yet, and I wasn’t motivated because my friend was still editing my book. So this kicked my butt in high gear and inspired me to write a query letter.
On a day when I was suffering from a migraine.
It took me an hour and a half to complete.
I was so excited! THIS IS A SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE! I was sure of it!
When I went to email it to her though, I saw this note when I clicked on the submission form:
“Sorry, I am no longer accepting queries until December 2020.“
My past self would have been furious. I might have cried right there in front of the computer. I probably would have said a few choice words. I definitely would have pounded my fists. I know I would have said something like, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS WEEK IS GONNA BE EVEN WORSE!”
I might have even given up right there on the spot and said, “Why does this always happen to me??”
This time, however, I laughed.
CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?
“It’s just not meant to be”, I muttered to myself.
I’m in love with this new version of myself.
I am still quite afraid, and I know will take a long time for me to learn to have more faith. To have less fear of everything. But I had to share this with you all because you’ve been a significant part of this journey and I thought you would get a kick out of this.
This seemed more like a blog post than some stuff I have been sharing, and given the tension of this week, it seemed like something fun to share.
But guess what? I have a query letter!