Humor, Life, Nonsense, Tater Tots

Screw It, I’m Eating Tater Tots- Part Twelve (Birthday Month Edition)

I have written about my birthday month for several years now but for those who are new, I celebrate the entire month of my birth by writing fun posts of no substance.

Okay, I do that all year round.

But in the month of my birth, I do have more fun with the blog than most other months. Then the week of my birth, I celebrate daily doing little fun things here and there that make me happy.

I explained how all of this birthday week nonsense got started here in 2017.

I turn 50 at the end of April, so this birthday month is extra special but the happiness that I would normally feel when April rolls around isn’t there as much this year. But I appreciate my previous birthday months and that is the positive I am trying to focus on.

I have decided that I will postpone turning 50 this year, staying 49 for one more year. I love the shit out of this idea. This also means all of you who got screwed for your birthdays during the pandemic also gained an extra year because I am the new president and that’s how it works.

So without further adieu, let’s kick off birthday month (49, again!) with a tater tot post, shall we?


Awesomesauce

I have been going through all of my old posts this past month as part of cleaning up, keeping busy and staying creative but during this process I discovered something.

I used to be annoying.

Or maybe I still am. I guess it’s all about perspective.

For those who just started reading my blog over the past two years, I used to write about DIY and craft shit on the regular. That was my jam from 2010 until around 2013. Oh sure, I still very occasionally write about those things here and there but for the first three years, I wrote up to three posts per week about my mantel or painting furniture or flipping entire rooms in my home.

But that wasn’t what made me annoying. 

It was the way that I wrote those posts. I was oh so very bossy and overconfident. Telling you that you MUST do things, acting like the utmost authority on certain things I wrote about, almost snooty in some posts.

I was not as much the self-deprecating knob you now know and hopefully, love.

Also, I used words like:

peeps=people

awesomesauce=awesome

hubs=husband

besties=friends

 

I used excessive exclamation points and excessive question marks. I mixed up the words your and you’re, its and it’s.

AND I WAS WRITING A BLOG FOR EVERYONE AND GOD TO SEE.

But at the same time, it’s kind of fun to see these changes, to see how much my writing has changed over a ten year period in grammar, content, and voice. Realizing that it was my lack of self-confidence that was actually making me sound overly confident. I have noticed that the more confident I grow in myself and my writing ability, the more I am able to be completely self-deprecating.

I have never, ever regretted starting this blog as it has been such a joy for me in so many ways; never more joyful than over the past month. Sometimes when I am alone, I think that this blog is saving me currently and maybe THAT is what the success of this blog is and will be. I won’t ever become as successful as The Bloggess or Pioneer Woman but the greatest thing my blog did was to save my own soul during a dark time.

So no regrets.

Well, other than using the word bestie.

 



Hair

 

Little girl on the bottom, I don’t know who you are but I love you. (she’s a grown-ass adult now, it’s not sick)

 

I found that pre-corona quarantine meme (courtesy of I don’t know who) and sent it to a couple of people, saying that kid on the bottom was me.

I might make that picture my profile going forward because I love it so much. I have a picture of me from like, second grade and I looked very similar.

To the girl in the bottom picture.

Then a month ago, I was over at my mom’s house (big sigh) and she had me try on a wig for fun.

 

Ah, happier times. When we could go to my parents’ house and have shenanigans

 

And I was all, OMG! MOM! I LOOK LIKE THAT LITTLE GIRL!

 

 

Okay, maybe not an exact match.

More like if Beethoven, Albert Einstein, and Mama from Mama’s Family had a love child.

 

Original photo courtesy/MeTv (editing by me)

 

But it made us all laugh and I felt like a tater tot post was the best place for this random anecdote.

 


Hair part two

Speaking of hair, I am in the middle of a hair intervention of sorts. Long story short-ish (I mean, you have PLENTY of time), Anna went to my regular hair appointment with me back at the beginning of March because she was home on her spring break. While waiting for my turn, she looked at my hair and asked me, “why are you getting it cut? It’s already so short.”

In fairness to her, my hair was/is really short. But I have hair dysmorphia in that I always feel like my hair is longer than it really is. I will go into the hair salon and be like OMG CUT MY FUCKING HAIR IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY and it is literally a longer version of a buzz cut.

It is within this intervention that Anna got my hairstylist on board with her scheme and by the end of my “appointment”, it was Anna in the chair getting her ends trimmed and my hairstylist looking up pictures in her phone of Chelsea from Teen Mom and her long bob cut because that is THE perfect cut for my face shape.

 

Chelsea DeBoer on Twitter: "HOW MUCH GOALS IS @Jaclynhill I NEED ...
Not Chelsea but her haircut. Also, a little more boob than I like to show but if I can request that when I go in August, then I won’t complain.

 

My hairstylist said she wouldn’t let me make an appointment until August because I needed to go through things like outgrowth and fullness and thick and fugly.

And, AND that she would contact Anna IF I tried to make an appointment.

Now, all of this is in a joking manner and I love my hairstylist and I love Anna and they are right. They made good points about my face shape and my hair and how I currently look like one of those ladies who always asks to speak to the manager.

But I feel like this is how I am gonna look by August:

Like a six-year-old female John Hughes


Quotes

 

 



Links

 

The best article about John Hughes I’ve ever read (and it’s from 2010) 

A forgotten Honda commercial featuring Ferris Bueller 

This is what ALDI actually stands for

Hilarious Terrible Yelp Reviews of National Parks | Far & Wide

Ryan Reynolds tribute to John Candy that started last year (watch the video)

A Photographer’s Parents Wave Farewell | The New Yorker

 


Fart

I mentioned in a recent post pertaining to lumpia about a farting incident when Rebecca and I worked at Kohls.

Also, if you cannot possibly imagine how I went from lumpia to farting in one post, you must be new

 

The story needs to be told, I have said to Rebecca while eating lunch. Or shopping at Target, Or getting ice cream at Culvers. Or at the swimming pool with our then-little girls. We have both said over the past 20 years that we needed to tell “the story”.

When Rebecca and I worked at Kohls back in the ’90s, we usually shared shifts together because, at the time, she didn’t drive and we drove to work together. Essentially, I told them that I was “her only ride” (I wasn’t) so she and I would HAVE to work every shift together. They fell for it and we ended up working every shift together over a two-year period, which was so much flipping fun.

One shift, we were given the task of re-tagging clothing that was from customer returns and we were sitting on the floor of the Misses Sportswear department, tucked into a rack of clothing when all of a sudden, we heard a sound.

 

What's that sound? It's a funny squeaky sound... National Lampoo ...
Courtesy/Pinterest

 

We immediately recognized the sound and the smell that followed it, tried to muffle our laughter, and then came to a realization.

We got farted on. Someone farted on our heads. We had fart all over us.

Then the visual of the sweet little old lady trying to back up into a rack of clothing to fart discreetly, got us rolling on the floor with silent laughter.

That’s it.

That’s the story.

 



Mrs. Pierce

I woke up on March 16th to this email from Legacy.com:

 

 

That is my beloved Mrs. Pierce, my 11th grade English teacher. When the above email came into my inbox, it was right as our world was getting smaller and we were distancing ourselves. I opened the email and began to cry the kind of cry that you didn’t know you needed to have. The cry had me, you could say.

I will be reblogging a post that I wrote in 2014 about her this coming Friday but seeing that email in my inbox led me to re-read then edit the original post I dedicated to her six years ago. It was kind of cathartic writing about her again, almost feeling like I was writing with her, this time feeling more confident with my words.

Did you ever have something just come to you in life when you absolutely needed it?

 


What I’m listening to

You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

And I’ll rise up
I’ll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I’ll rise unafraid
I’ll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up

 

I found this song on my Spotify Mellow Morning playlist (an amazing playlist, by the way) and found it fitting:

 

 

But the comforts of tradition and
Routine was holding us together at the seams.
Is there a reason to the rhyme?
Seeger said, “the seasons have their time.”
I suppose we’ll never know the purpose of
All the moments that we spend on human love.


Let’s make this month count, okay? Love you all.


31 thoughts on “Screw It, I’m Eating Tater Tots- Part Twelve (Birthday Month Edition)”

  1. I have always loved these tater tot posts. I say always and I’ve only been reading your blog for the past several months but I’ve never been more appreciative of these posts than now.

    Rise up is one of my favorite songs too. And it makes so much sense now more than ever.

    Happy birthday month my friend! I will make it count, promise. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love writing these posts more than any other.

      I heard that song for the first time back at the end of February. One of Ella’s Friends at her barn where she rides horses chose that for her performance and I fell in love with it. I’ve been listening to it every day. ❤️

      Like

  2. Thanks for your hilarious and entertaining posts. I’ve got nothing for you this morning except for…thank you. And I love you. Going to check out that music later! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love that you’ve decided to stay 49 for another year! My son turns 16 at the end of the month and the poor kid is so disappointed to have to postpone getting his permit. We made that appointment before Christmas and while he wasn’t saying anything I KNOW he’s been counting down the days.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You had me laughing several times; since you’re special that means I was really LOL’ing.

    The hair thing. oh my. That poor kid. I thought I was a hot mess, but she takes the cake. I do hope that right now she’s one of those lovely insta-models, but with a lot of intelligence.
    So, are you going for Chelsea’s haircut and color or just cut? I love that you have a team of people watching out for your good hair decisions.

    I hope that your 49th birth year is the pretty chill so that your 50th can be a really big blowout. Maybe a trip to Paris? A surprise party with 200 of your favorite people? Or a mailman stripper showing up at your house that looks like Justin Timberlake with his box; whatever it takes.

    I look back at my old posts and I think who the hell was this 13-year-old writing my blog? I used to have everything CENTERED. (stupid) I also had lots of punctuation, poor grammar and apparently it took until I was 47 to know the difference between your, you’re…honestly, I still don’t get its vs it’s. 🙂 I was and still am kind of a knob.

    I’m proud to say that I’ve never been farted on. I’m sorry you can’t say the same.

    I love the links. I still love Matthew Broderick; he’ll always be a cutie.

    Sorry about your sweet teacher; I’ve also been having some good cries here and there.

    Yes to moving music.

    Peace out, your bestie.
    I had to.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love your comments so much.

      Definitely the hair style and not the color. I do love the color but it would just be too hard to maintain what with me having to edit old posts and whatnot.

      I think we all deserve a trip to Paris after this.

      Yes! A 13 year old. Maybe I’ll just start telling people I had a 13 year old editor at the time.

      I love Matthew Broderick even more now. He makes guest appearances everywhere now and I love that.

      Peace out, bestie. ❤️

      Like

  5. Tater tot posts never fail to make me laugh out loud. And that little girl is a shining beacon of hope in a dark dark time.

    Listen, go easy on 2010 to 2013 Kari, she was doing what all bloggers were doing. Heck, that was the blogging language. Too many exclamation points, lost of bestie talk, being overly confident about shit we knew nothing about. It’s a few stones in the path that got you, and me, here. A friend of mine read my old blog and when I asked them what they thought they said, it sounds bloggy. And that was so true. Just awful blog-speak. I never talked about what was real or what hurt or what was uncomfortable. Now I write about that shit with abandon and I have more fun and more readers. However you found your voice, was the right way to find it, because you are one of my favorite voices on this here internets.

    Happy 49th birthday month! I’m so glad I get to be a part of another one!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YESSSSS. Can you hear me yell? Bloggy, that’s exactly it! I never talked real talk either. I was writing what I thought everyone wanted to hear.

      Then one day I believe it was my sister-in-law who said to me that she could hear me talking when she read one of my posts. And it was SUCH a compliment. I knew I had finally found my voice.

      You are one my favorite voices too. ❤️

      Like

  6. SO much in this post. Your blood should have the tag line: all the feels all the time.

    I love reading and envisioning your life as you write. You make your mom, your Rebecca, and your girls everyone’s mom-Rebecca-girls. I LOVE THAT. Hehe

    The fart story is hilarious. And we need the hilarity so thanks for that.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Violet sang rise up for her choir concert right before everything went to hell. I love that song and I’m a little sad she isn’t having to practice it still because that’s the only way I can get her to sing whole songs anymore. Also, I’m totally finding that playlist.

    Speaking of hair…I’ve been growing my hair to just about shoulder bob length and then cutting it to almost buzz and immediately starting out the grow process for 20 years. I’m currently about an inch from the chop it length (in fact, I asked my hairdresser if she would chop it at my LAST visit and she asked me to give it 5 more weeks. That was five weeks ago. So…I guess I’m getting long hair.)

    I can’t wait to read about your teacher!!

    Stay healthy and safe!! (This is how I’m ending all conversations and emails now and it feels weird but also right.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “So I guess I’m getting long hair” made me laugh. Yes, it looks that way. We can go through the hair intervention together.

      Stay healthy and safe too! I feel like we will say this for always because of Coronavirus PTSD.

      Like

  8. You always know how to pack your posts with so much fun that I have to go back and take inventory of what I need to comment on. Loved the ‘kind of person who needs to speak to the manager’ – so dang funny.

    Also – check out that poor girl. I do have some photos that would come close to her overall look. I am not too proud to share, so get excited.

    Just before I read the caption about the cleavage on that soon-to-be-hair-twin of yours, I thought ‘Yowza Kari – will you also show boob like that?’ So yeah, great minds and all.

    Wait – do your parents live near by? I thought they lived in Ohio.

    My old posts are cringe-worthy. I mean, shit, I am long winded NOW, I don’t even know what to call what I was back then. Holy get-to-the-point-already. I have thought about re-posting some of them because literally no one read them – as in zero peeps and for sure no besties. Um and I still use peeps sometimes – so I will switch over to ‘hey bitches’ because aren’t we all feeling that way about now? Anyway – to repost would be so much work. Maybe I should make a game of it – eliminate every other sentence and see if you all still get the gist.

    I have so much to report from our lockdown over yonder, but oddly – no time. I keep jotting stuff down on scraps of paper at my computer desk. Sadly nothing will measure up to your tater tot posts.

    OMG and the farting into a rack of clothes How hilarious was that?

    And – happy birthday month. I am jealous because I do not get to celebrate the month of December – can you imagine if I tried to make it all about me? My mother in law would be all ‘Hello – Jesus’ month not yours.’ But I do hope you find ways to celebrate. And when we get to break out – I imagined that today . . . will it be like the scene in Caddy Shack when all the caddies race to the pool – so much closeness and celebrating?! Anyway – when this is over I hope we can get together. Can’t wait to see how long your hair is by then.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t tease me. Pictures or it didn’t happen.

      Yep, my parents live 15 minutes up the road!

      It’s like reading old diary entries. Only they’re public.

      I’m so glad I have your blog (and others) to read especially now. ❤️

      Btw, we both worked there. I think it was Main Street?

      I think you need to adopt January as your new birthday month.

      Like

  9. Gracious, you do have a mind that wanders over hither and yon. Thanks for the laughs. I, too, am having a hair situation going on here, that pre-dates Covid19 and makes me wonder what I’ll do when I’m free to do something about it. Let it grow or chop it off? Find a new stylist or try to communicate my idea to the current woman? What to do, what to do…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. How have I never seen your birthday blogs before? You are FUNNY. And a good writer. And yes, it’s interesting when we go back and see our posts from years past and criticize ourselves from our writing back then. But that’s a good thing – that we improve with age. RIGHT?! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I lurved your DIY posts. n fact, that might have been when I got hooked, but you weren’t bossy, just freaking hilarious with your “good enough” sort of way. I love reading these posts of yours, but sometimes the longer ones make me forget what I was going to say by the time I get to the end because so many other fabulous things happen along the way. And now I am thinking about balls that aren’t even in this post because you said tater tot and then I thought about other things you think we should eat. I am a little dismayed about you being 49 for another year because now I will be a year an a half older than you. Fifty was getting lonely girl!!! What happened to paragraphs here? I am just blabbing on in a run on…how unusual!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Catching up here…at least I’m writing before you publish the next post. 🙂 Feel like I am just racing through every day.

    When I saw the picture of the little kid, I for sure thought that was you. I might pretend that it is. As for hair, oy. I did a chop it all off thing a little over a year ago in a bid to look edgy and chic in a my-real-age way and I have never gotten totally comfortable with it, and was letting it grow just a little bit longer and then stupid Covid and now I look as frumpy as I’ve looked in years. For reasons I won’t go into, I recently found myself watching an episode of Family from 1978 and I realized my hair looks an awful lot like Kristy McNichol’s. You might be just a smidge too young for her (especially now that you’re going to be 49 for another year). I’m really kind of regretting that I canceled my hair appointment right before everything closed down because I was already WE ALL HAVE TO STAY HOME RIGHT NOW, but also not because 1: Who cares? and 2: Maybe I’m the reason our curve is so flat. 😉

    I’m so sorry about your English teacher. I remember that post, and I know this kind of loss. I hope she didn’t die from this virus, because I am starting to get so deeply angry about the people we are losing because of the way this has been so mismanaged. John Prine hurt my soul tonight.

    I am so looking forward to your unbirthday month.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally remember Family! Kristy McNichol was one of my teen idols! Also, I think the dad was Matthew Broderick’s dad in real life. Here is a link to an article I found about where they are now: https://reelrundown.com/celebrities/70s-TV-Update-Catching-Up-with-the-Cast-of-Family-TV-Series

      My English teacher passed away in 2014, the reminder was if I would like to remember her in some way on Legacy on her death anniversary. She lived a long wonderful life, thankfully.

      Mismanagement is getting me angry too. I think that is why a lot of us are hurting so much. Knowing full well that a lot of this could have been prevented.

      Like

      1. Oh, I’m glad I was too tired to read that correctly (about your English teacher). I’m happy for anyone to have avoided this nightmare, I think. The mismanagement for what is clearly some peoples’ profit has me really ragey the past week. So I’m really enjoying the genuine laughs I get from all the stupid stuff on your FB page. 🙂 Thank you for that public service.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It is a win-win for me. I get to laugh/smile at the memes, the conversations, and the new connections AND I get to make people laugh/smile. I love everything about that group. 💕

        Like

  13. I love these tater tots posts, too (even though I’m usually reading it before I’ve completed my first cup of coffee, and I swear to you I scroll through again and think “where are the tater tots” and then that part of my brain catches up with the rest of my brain…and..)

    So I’m with you on not turning 50 BUT my son turned 16 the day after the DMV closed here so he may argue that point with you. We did tell him he gets to continue celebrating his 16th birthday until he gets his license (and can you imagine the shit show of shit shows the DMV will be then?) and then he can celebrate his half birthday.

    Also – I’m very jealous that you have found your words through all this and how your lovely self brightens up my inbox. I can’t write anything because the last thing I want to put out there is a grumpy-bitch post.

    So keep on being you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that you are looking for tater tots that early in the morning. THAT MAKES ME SO GLAD THAT I WRITE THESE.

      Oh, your poor son! And poor you! I know how hard the teenage years are and I am ramping up to go through it again. But I did tell your story here to Anna who is now 20 and said, “can you imagine if that happened to YOU?” and she feels his pain as well.

      I love that I brighten up your inbox. 🙂

      Like

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