Anxiety, Blogging, Holidays, Life, Menopause, Soul Homework

What a Year

Writer McWriterson

That’s the understatement of the century.

Normally, bloggers like to make an end of the year wrap-up to review what took place over the previous 12 months.

Do YOU want to discuss it? 

Even though it was a difficult year, there were some significant events that happened in my life.

I turned 50 in April.

I navigated myself into menopause.

I observed my ten-year blogging anniversary.

But there were also some unhappy events that happened as well.

We lost three pets this year. Which was heartbreaking for many reasons, but adding in the timing and it was just cruel. One a few weeks before the pandemic. The other two occurred during the peak of the pandemic. And because of that, their deaths became part of the background cacophony of turmoil, of death and grief and migraines and sickness.

It was a lot for all of us. But our tender, animal-loving Ellie had an emotional downshift over the summer after her bird Joy flew away.

It was just too much. This fucking year.

These circumstances together forced me sit back, take care of matters at home, and do some soul searching.

I left Facebook and began working on the “soul homework “I mentioned to you, only at the time I had no idea I was beginning the soul homework.

It came to me.

Over three months, I saw a difference within myself.

And then, because of those changes within myself, I saw changes in the others in my home.

Amazing changes. Happy changes.

It’s an continuing effort, this soul homework. It takes a lot of work to create peace in a time of darkness. It isn’t easy for those who think I am the universe and light all the time.

It is the hardest homework I’ve ever done in my life.

But I had an important test to study for.

This past fall, Mike and I returned the bench from the night we wed, because of this crummy year.

You can read the backstory of the bench here.

We drove by a few weeks after and the bench was still there. The note was no longer there, and they positioned the bench a little differently. But I love it is still there. 🙂

This past Christmas I was in love with how intentional each day was feeling. Maybe it’s my antidepressant talking, but I am reveling in the joy of not having to be in a million particular places. I don’t at all miss the work parties or the busy stores. I understand this is unique for everybody. I also recognize that I have anxiety, so those factors give me social uneasiness, anyhow, and were never gratifying.

The one aspect of the holidays I am missing? My people.

My mom and dad coming into my home or us to theirs.

Hugging.

The thought of my brother and sister-in-law and nephew being able to come out after the holidays and spend a few days.

Hugging.

My friends coming over between Christmas and New Year to play games and eat appetizers.

Those are the things I miss.

My GOD, I miss the people and the hugs.

But that’s it. I am not missing anything else. Just human interactions and hugs.

But what a wonderful thing to learn about yourself.

That during a pandemic, the only thing you want is love. I know I am not alone. I know that is what most of us want.

Here are some of my favorite posts since the pandemic started. Who knew I would use the word “shitshow” so much in the year 2020. You’d think my spell check would figure out it doesn’t mean “shortish” by now.

Movies I Love, Listed By Year 

Music That Will Help You Forget Your Life is Fu**ing Miserable

Things You Need For the Second Half of the Shitshow

What I’ve Been Laughing At 

The Happiness Jar

Good News in The Midst of So Much Bad

It’s A Literal Shitshow Outside So I Got Tips

Nesting and Routines

Things I Am Doing to Keep Me Out of Trouble

Courtesy- Eva Elijas (Pexels)

The next time I talk to you, it will be 2021.

Here is to better things on the horizon.

It will be better. It will be better. It will.

I am manifesting it for all of us.

I cherish all of you.

20 thoughts on “What a Year”

  1. Well said. Really. You nailed it. I think we all had (or have) our discomforts during the pandemic. Our issues. Our sad moments and stressful times. Hopefully blessings or realizations or personal growth have enlightened everyone in some way.

    For my family this year was our hardest and I cannot fault the pandemic. Our battle with Lad’s mental illness is just in the early stages, although we feel like it has dragged on forever. This misery just happened to coincide with 2020.

    Looking forward. It’s all we’ve got.

    All the best in 2021, my friend.

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  3. I’m glad you’ve found some happiness in this year that’s been, well, quite a year for all of us. And it has been a year that should give all of us greater appreciation for people with anxiety and introverts because they’re the people who’ve kept things going.

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  4. I’ve been doing some journal work (via wonderful free prompts from Susannah Conway) at the end of this year to reflect back on this crappy year, but as I’ve gone back, I’ve also found that there were a lot of good things that happened, too – despite the pandemic.

    Like you, I don’t miss the constant running around and having to go places due to my anxiety and also being an introvert. But oh yes, I miss seeing certain people (yourself included!) and getting hugs.

    Here’s to a much better 2021 for all of us and please oh please God/The Universe/Whomever is In Charge….good riddance to the pandemic!

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    1. I agree with journaling. I have found the more I am grateful for what I have, the more I open up to even more good. And it makes you realize how much good happened within so much bad.

      I didn’t realize how introverted I was until this year. I am embracing that part of me whole heartedly. I think introversion is such a good part of my being. I love that part of me. 🙂

      Here is to a much better 2021! Sending you hugs and chai lattes and sunshine. 🙂

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  5. I miss my people and the simple act of socializing as well. I swear when this is finally all over and we’re able to get together again? I’ll probably be so shell shocked at the close proximity I’ll have a panic attack.

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  7. I think, if we all looked, we would find that we’ve learned quite a bit about ourselves this year – hopefully, more good than bad. After being isolated with ourselves how could we not? Of course, this year WAS a dumpster fire – but there were some good nuggets in there too. That’s what I’m trying to hold onto as I remember this year and look forward to the next.

    Happy New Year, Kari.

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  8. I also miss hugging everyone. Lets pray that 2021 becomes the year of hugging and close talking. HA. never mind on the close talking, that’s not cool.
    I love that you guys returned the bench; you are such a big hearted person. I’m SO thankful to have met you this year. You’ve added to my joy.
    XO

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  9. This post has me feeling teary, damnit. It was the photo of your family hugging each other. (I also really loved that YouTube clip. I know it’s an ad for YouTube, but it got me.) I am SO missing my people. I don’t have many of them, but…yeah. I’m with you. All I really miss is seeing the people I love. So much of everything else I don’t miss at all. I feel guilty saying it. In spite of all that was hard this year (and I know my hard is nothing compared to that of so many other people), there have been a lot of gifts. Getting clarity about what really matters is a huge one.

    I’m so thankful to know I can go to this space each week and find you here. (Your frequent use of “shitshow” is an asset, not a liability.) Here’s to helping each other get through the next 365 days. I’m sure we’re still going to need us.

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  10. I like to scroll through the pictures on my phone at the end of the year. Thinking, oh remember that? Aw look at that! And wow can you believe we did that this year? I miss the people too. I just miss the people. I am so lucky to have my mom here with me. But I miss the rest of my people! This house would be full of nieces, nephews, and my brothers right now. It would be insane with energy and running screaming children. And it’s not. But that’s ok. We are all happy, and healthy, and we are all still here to miss each other.

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