That’s the understatement of the century.
Normally, bloggers like to make an end of the year wrap-up to review what took place over the previous 12 months.
Do YOU want to discuss it?
Even though it was a tough year, there were some milestones reached in my world.
I turned 50 in April.
Navigated myself into menopause.
But there were also some unhappy events that happened too. We lost three pets this year. Which was crushing for many reasons, but because of the timing? One a few weeks before the pandemic. The other two during the heart of the pandemic. And because of that, their deaths became part of the background cacophony of turmoil, of death and grief and migraines and sickness.
It was a lot for all of us. But our tender, animal-loving Ellie had an emotional downshift over the summer after her bird Joy flew away.
It was just too much. This fucking year.
These events together made me sit back, take care of things at home, and do some hard soul searching.
It came to me.
Over three months, I saw differences within myself.
And then, because of those changes within myself, I saw changes in my sweet child.
Amazing changes. Happy changes.
It’s an ongoing process, this soul work. It takes a lot of work to make happiness in a dark time. It isn’t easy for those who think I am the universe and quotes all the time.
I am doing the work every day, and it isn’t easy.
It is the hardest homework I have ever done in my life.
But I had an important test to study for.
On a side note- this past fall, Mike and I returned the bench from the night we wed, because of this crummy year.
You can read the backstory of the bench here.
We drove by a few weeks after and the bench is still there. The note is no longer there, and they positioned the bench a little differently. But I love that it is still there. 🙂
This past Christmas I was in love with how intentional each day was feeling. Maybe it’s my antidepressant talking, but I am reveling in the joy of not having to be in a million particular places. I don’t at all miss the work parties or the busy stores. I understand this is unique for everybody. I also recognize that I have anxiety, so those factors give me social uneasiness, anyhow, and were never gratifying.
The one aspect of the holidays I am missing? My people.
My mom and dad coming into my home (or us to theirs) and hugging each of my daughters and my husband and me.
The thought of my brother and sister-in-law and nephew being able to come out after the holidays and spend a few days.
My friends coming over between Christmas and New Year to play games and eat appetizers.
Those are the things I miss.
My GOD, I miss the people and the hugs.
But that’s it. I am not missing anything else. Just human interactions and hugs.
But what a wonderful thing to learn about yourself.
That during a pandemic, the only thing you want is love. I know I am not alone. I know that is what all of us want.
Here are some of my favorite posts since the pandemic started. Who knew I would use the word “shitshow” so much in the year 2020. You’d think my spell check would figure out it doesn’t mean “shortish” by now.
The next time I talk to you, it will be 2021.
Here is to better things on the horizon.
It will be better. It will be better. It will.
I am manifesting it for all of us.
I cherish all of you.